Britney's Kids Behind the Wheel Again?

No, not a real car this time! Britney's parents went to KFab's house to pick up the little ones and have some grandparent time. I think it's safe to say these two little ones did NOT get a DUI while out on the road!

Owen Wilson Hospitalized After Alleged Suicide Attempt

According to the National Enquirer and Star Magazine (two not very reliable sources) Owen Wilson was rushed to the hospital around noon on Sunday after a family member found him and called for help. He supposedly slashed superficially both of his wrists and had taken an overdose of pills. I hope that this isn't true, we do not need to lose another comedian to the way of suicide :(

Click HERE for the full story.

Source: Fox Morning Show

Hollywood Hits The Slammer!

Lindsay Lohan plead "no contest" yesterday to 7 misdemeanor charges for her two separate arrests. She wasn't charged with a felony for possession of cocaine as we all assumed she wouldn't be, however he sentence was handed down as follows:



1 day in jail (to be served before January 18)(Lindsay was originally sentenced to 4 days, but her lawyer had this reduced to 2 days, and given the one day of credit she received for the jail time she served when she was arrested she will now only serve one day in prison)

10 days of community service

18 months of alcohol education program

She must attend a drug program (not that this has helped her thus far)

stay at Cirque Lodge for rehab for an unspecified amount of time

and finally

3 years of probation



Not to be outdone...Nicole Richie also entered Jail yesterday to serve out her 4 day sentence. With all of the attention on Lindsay Nicole was "free" to go to jail in peace. Much like Linds, Nicole is already out of jail because she was credited one day for her 6 hours when she was arrested and due to overcrowding they kicked her to the curb.



Just so we are straight...neither of these woman were given special treatment (....um...1 day in jail and neither of them were charge with drug possession? I'd say that treatment is pretty special!)

Let’s Talk About…

Real World was…well about as boring as real life last night! But at least my girl Parisa did not let me down when it came to “bringing the drama”! Let us call tonight’s episode “Just Friends”. There was a lot of that term being thrown around, sometimes in the event of it being an all out lie, other times in the way people keep saying things over and over again to prove to themselves that they believe it, and other times in an attempt to fool both viewers and certain significant others…so it is only fitting for the title to be as such!

On to the sh*t show!! Last week we left off with Isaac telling Trisha quite comically that he wasn’t sure if she was good person after she tried to lure him over to her side in the Parisa vs. Trisha fight of last week. My opinion…well Trisha you kind of walked into that one, you cheated on your boyfriend and then proceeded to hog the computer all day long while waiting for an email back from said boyfriend, and then you waged an all out war with Parisa after she asked to use the computer! Yes…you are a very good person Trisha! I need time to think on that one too!

Although admittedly I was on Trisha’s side because I know what it is like to wait for life changing emails, I mean, hey I do it all day long at work, I was not on her side when she flipped out on Parisa and once again told her to buy a personality. (On an unrelated note, where can one find a personality store? Because, if I have significant proof of their existence I too will begin to suggest people go out shopping for a new persona!)

Meanwhile the rest of the guys try out a little costume test to pick up girls in Australia while wearing overalls and a jogging suit…and guess what?! IT WORKS! Isaac finds an Irish Lassie to go out with that night and proceeds to try and check off “Pimp Harder” on his checklist. I can only assume this checklist is entitled “Things I Want to Accomplish Before I am 30.” And I am sure; “dress up like Kevin Federline and spit mad game” is one of the entries on this awesome list!


In the morning we see him go right to the fridge and check off “Pimp Harder”, I think it is safe to assume he has sealed the deal. We then see the softer side of Isaac when he tells the viewers, “Will I see her again, who knows, but I hope so.” Somehow I believe him!

Parisa, this week, however is the star of my story! Dunbar, who from now on will be referred to as “Candybar” since all the girls seem to want to break a piece off of him for themselves (Thanks Lex!) decided that since he was uncomfortable with Parisa’s feelings towards him he would just “act really mean” towards her to turn her off. (Where would he get the idea that she likes him? Saying to the camera that in another world you and Dunbar would be a fairy tale is NOT grounds for being obsessive…oh wait….it is!) Silly boy, don’t you know anything? Girls are attracted to the bad boy so the meaner you are to Parisa the better your chances are of her liking you. (He must get his advice from Austin on Newport Beach) So we have a number of scenes showing Candybar being an all out jerk to Parisa and being really nice to the rest of the girls, he tells her numerous times to lighten up, but I am not sure if Parisa gets what that means as she seems to get darker and darker. Eventually when they are out Parisa starts in on Candybar about his attitude towards her and then threatens to “write him a letter”. In the letter she basically whines about everything we have heard her say in the confessional. I have taken liberties to translate Parisa’s letter for everyone now:

Hey Candybar,
I really really like you, but I hate when you flirt with KellyAnne. Every time you give her attention it reminds me that I am not your type and that you do not like me. It also reminds me that I hate KellyAnne, but instead of telling you that I hate her, I will say that I think it is “inappropriate” for you to act the way you do around her and for her to act the way she does around you knowing you have a girlfriend at home. This way, I seem much more mature than KellyAnne, and hope to god that you are more attracted to mature, smart women, instead of pretty, cute, slutty girls! I am now going to allude to the fact that I am just misunderstood, and under my tough exterior there is a girl that just wants a friend - that friend happens to be Dunbar. You know a friend who eventually becomes your girlfriend, and then eventually becomes your wife, and then the mother of your children, etc. I would like to end this letter on a slutty note because in my heart I know that’s what you are REALLY attracted to despite my efforts to turn you into someone you aren’t and let you know I would like to take a shower with you…of course, just for hygienic purposes, because lets be honest, I can't pull off the slut-factor.

As soon as Candybar finishes the letter KellyAnne crawls into bed with him to discuss Parisa’s “feelings” towards him. Her note seems to have really worked because by the end of the episode we hear Candybar tell KellyAnne that if he didn’t have a girlfriend they would be doing the horizontal mambo for the night vision cameras! And, we aren’t quite sure whether or not they are making out in the end, but if I were a betting lady…which I am NOT unless it is video black jack which I KICK butt in… I would put my money on “Yes, yes, ooooh yes!” Don’t worry though; KellyAnne assures us that she and Dunbar are… “JUST FRIENDS” and she hopes that his girlfriend doesn’t get the wrong idea about her hopping into bed with her man.

And to end on a high note Isaac tells the world that KellyAnne looks like one of those girls that will “sleep with you one night and stab you the next”…well said Isaac! She does have semi-crazy eyes!

Conversations Between a Mom and Daughter

Katie: Suri...I need to talk to you about something serious. You know that Mommy and Daddy don't share a room right? Well I told the press it was because he snores...

Suri: Hahahahahahah

Katie: Hahahahahaha

Suri: Soon enough people will realize this marriage is a sham mom, but you know what I say to that? Oh well!

Katie: That's right! This marriage IS a sham, and do you know where daddy will send you if you tell anyone about it? That's right...right there, to Evil Lord Zenon!

Katie: Well at least my child believes in this crap!

P.S. She is so freaking adorable!!

Britney's New Song!!

Ryan Seacrest is at it again, leaking songs onto his radio show! This time it's Britney Spears' new song...but not the one with Justin and Timbaland...

Click here to hear the song.

Can't listen to it at work or school? Here are the lyrics for you reading pleasure (or reading displeasure)

Everyday, I’m in a daze
Looking for that someone
And everyday, I sit and kneel and pray
Oh, sweet love, can I get some?
So why do you desert me, baby boy?
I need your love right now!
And if you desert me, baby boy
Don’t you leave me in your crowd

Talking
Hey baby, what time you gonna get home?
Oh, really?
[Sigh]
Alright, well, I’ll see you later, then
Oh, wait
Would you mind getting some…
Yeah, when you come home
Yeah, that’s it
I love you too
Bye

[Singing again]
Some day when you see my face
You will think that you have won
And some day when it’s all away
Our love just begun
So why did you desert me, baby boy?
I thought that you, you were the one
So if you preferred the other one
She won’t bring you the sun(son)

hmmm...who on earth could she be singing about?

Let’s Talk About….

Okay…so today the gossip world is moving a bit slow and really nothing is entertaining me enough to take time out of my busy work day (You like that one Randy??) to post. So instead I thought it would be a good idea to talk about Newport Beach: The Real OC, MTV’s newest town featured in The Real OC series.

So we start off with Chrissy’s dad asking her if she enjoyed her time in Palm Beach. She said she had SOOOOO much fun, until her dad decided to c$%kblock her and ruin her “bonding time” with Clay. (Who by the way…thinks he is the “man” and a true “playa”, but really, he has no idea!) Her dad agreed that he might have embarrassed her and said that he felt bad; he then proceeds to ask her if Clay kissed her. (Um…wasn’t that what he was trying to prevent when he called her on her cell phone and broke up their fun in the hallway?) Chrissy replies with, “No dad, you kind of killed the mood!” Funny…’cause I thought most high school boys just LOVED it when dad breaks up the party, apparently not!

We then move on to Allie, and Fallie (that’s fake Allie, since Samantha wants to so desperately be Allie.) They are discussing their “Pretty in Pink” party which...ironically...they had NO idea was the title of a movie! (Does this mean something in pop culture finally dates me?) They make up their guest list and the make sure to NOT include Taylor since Allie would like Chase all to herself. So far, we have heard a whole lot about Taylor and have yet to see her, Allie and Fallie would like to keep it that way!

MTV, however, would not and in the next scene we meet Taylor! YAY!!!!!!!! Chase tells Taylor she can’t come to the party in not so many words. However Taylor sees through his “It’s kind of a senior thing” line and says, “So Allie doesn’t want me there? Be careful because this is all sort of sketchy.” She then asks Chase to be good…and move on to Chase…ASKING ALLIE OUT ON A DATE! Apparently when Taylor asked Chase to be good at the party Chase dove right into that loophole and planned a date with Allie BEFORE the party…well played little playa!

Allie…surprisingly wanted to have nothing to do with this, and told Chase she would be more comfortable if they weren’t alone together. We are privy to a short background of the Chase/Taylor/Allie drama when we learn that Chase dumped Taylor for Allie and then Allie blew him off and got a different boyfriend…Ouch!

Next we get to see how smart Allie and Fallie really are! They aren’t just blonde beauties people they have brains too! (Well…beauty is a strong word…that I wouldn’t use for them) The two go on and on about the existence of the word “funner” Allie corrects Fallie numerous times telling her the correct term is “more fun”, but Fallie stays strong in her debate that “funner” is in fact a word and that she thinks the added it into the dictionary! (The Idiot Dictionary?) Then they talk about how Bootylicious is a word, and that its now in the dictionary and that no one uses it anymore, then Allie tries to make fun of Fallie telling her that they took Gullible out of the dictionary (although she might think that this is in fact true) however, once again the irony is lost on Fallie as she deadpans and continues to talk about the validity of the word Bootylicious. At this point my brain implodes and I wonder why I have sat through this discussion for so long without flipping over to Bravo to see Top Chef.

“Pretty in Pink” Party time!!! All the girls are dressed in pink dresses (although I think that Allie and Chrissy are wearing red and I am worried they might have a rare strain of female colorblindness, either that or I need a new TV) Then we have the obligatory awkward moment between Chrissy and Clay...they dance…her phone rings…she runs out…It’s Daaaaaaady! He must be telling her to come home and she complains that it is still early (basically she is pissed since Clay just got the balls to look at her and now the other man in her life wants her home) She stays at the party, but the damage is done. Clay is “so over” her father c%^kblocking him.” Grant, the mayor (I wonder if he has real political aspirations) tells him to dance with another girl to make her jealous and Clay retorts with, “I like the way you are thinking bra!!” Um…good one idiot, all that does is piss off Chrissy!

Chrissy sits in the corner the rest of the night next to what I think is the bathroom, pouts, and wishes she listened to daddy and came home. (Chrissy you have to live by the way of George Costanza…ALWAYS leave on a high note!)

Fast forward to the next morning when Clay’s plan has backfired TERRIBLY as Chrissy’s very smart friend Sasha tells her to take a break from Clay and his weirdness for a while! NOT well played little playa…you lost the girl!

Oh yeah....In an effort to keep his promise to Taylor, Chase makes out with Fallie...G-ROSS! (He must really want Allie if he has to make out with the tofu version of her!)

Next week…maybe Clay will stop listening to the mayor seeing as no one really voted for his ass, and maybe, just maybe he can get the girl!

EDIT: Clay did not get the advice from Grant...instead it was Austin...sorry all these boys look the same to me, it hard to tell them apart when all their collars are popped!

Slamming Them Back at Sleep Away Camp??

Could Lindsay be off the wagon before even getting herself fully back onto the wagon!? Seems like some Utah residents are either really pissed that they didn't get an autograph from Lindsay, or they are busting her in the act! A listener of Utah's 97.1 FM’s “The Morning Zoo” called in and said that they saw Lindsay Lohan buying Miller Lite from the Maverik Country Store last night...

Hmmm...should we be happy she is at least moving to some softer drinks, or should we be horrified that she seems to be once again taking advantage of her "day trips" out of rehab... I am glad that threats of jail time have made this girl take rehab seriously. ARE THESE PEOPLE NOT WATCHING HER!?

Remember...this is all an allegation, no sources have confirmed this story to be true...but it's juicy nevertheless!

p.s. Lindsay and I are wearing the same sweatshirt today!

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What do you think Britney Spears was about to hit when she made this face?

1. Her Ex-Husband Kevin Federline? In the heat of the moment after reading that Kevin will be staring in one of her favorite shows "One Tree Hill" Britney jumps in the car to confront him on getting a job before her! (how dare he!) Seconds before she mows him down with her black Mercedes paparazzi caught her with nothing more than a murderous look on her face.






2. A deer? After moving to the country to escape all of the harsh news about her parenting skills, Britney has an encounter with an even more deadly animal than the paparazzi. After hitting and fatally wounding a domesticated deer that belonged to her neighbor Billy-Bob (not related to Justin-Bobby) she joined Michael Vick in his jail sentence for animal cruelty.






3. Her Child? In an effort to save some of the millions that she made, Britney opted not to go for the optional rear view camera on her Mercedes and accidentally backs into one of her children while leaving her house to go to a custody trial. She's a good mom y'all...she was just trying to save money so that she could send her kids to college so they can be edumicated unlike herself!

or did she hit.....

4. Rock bottom? After making the fatal mistake of not signing on to do a new single with one time flame superstar Justin Timberlake and Musical Genius Timbaland Britney goes out for a drive with her cousin/assistant/Paris Hilton's new besty Ali to burn off some steam. As she listens to Ali go on and on about her music career she is interested in starting Britney finally wakes up and realizes what her life has become. At that moment, she makes a Claire-esque (Heroes) decision and runs her car into a wall. Like Clair, Britney will survive this accident...unfortunately her career will not as it had died some time ago!

Jim Can You Please Inform Justin Timberlake and Timbaland That They Are Being Shunned?

According to Page Six Britney's Label Jive records was completely stunned when they heard that Britney Spears did not show up for a recording session with Justin Timberlake and Timbaland. Justin wrote the song and Britney and her old beau were all set to record the song which very well could have been her big "comeback" and could have branched off into other endeavors such as the opening act on MTV's Video Music Awards in which she was rumored to be preforming in.

A music insider told page six, "Timbaland set aside a week out of his crazy schedule to do this - and then, just before she was supposed to fly out, Britney abruptly canceled the session and refused to do the song."

Obviously Jive is very worried about the former pop stars behavior and her rash decision to not go forward with the hit. What is she thinking? I mean, Justin and Timbaland...when is that NOT going to be a hit? This could have been the chance for America's sweetheart to make her way back into all of our hearts!

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And in case you don't know where my title comes from...only the funniest part of a "The Office" episode!

Just Her Luck!

Files may be charged against Lindsay Lohan today, however, the DA in connection with her case may not file charges against her at all regarding her two DUIs. One charge we most definitely will not see show up? Cocaine possession. What else might not show up in court? Lindsay herself! If Linds is not charged with a felony (cocaine possession and possession of cocaine in a correctional faciltity) then she is not required to show up for court. Seeing as Lindsay is living it up in sleepaway camp, whoops, again I made that mistake...rehab she probably won’t show up to court and will get charged with two misdemeanors for her two DUI’s. What’s that mean? Linds will have to serve a minimum of 4 days in jail.

Now…I know that what Lindsay did was WAY worse than what Paris Hilton did and Paris was in jail for much longer than 4 days, so why the ease on Lindsay’s sentence? Don’t we want her to LEARN a lesson and not take the easy road? Well, I say as long as she is sober while driving down that easy road, lets let her take that route, plus I doubt the friends Lindsay will make in jail will be a great influence on her staying on the straight and narrow.

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UH OH MTV Mixup!!!

Audrina was on MTV last night with Lauren for The Hills aftershow...where she wore this:






Nicole Scherzinger was also on MTV yesterday when she appeared on TRL...where she wore this:





The MTV stylists for these two shows must not talk! MAJOR fashion mistake, I mean everyone eventually gets caught wearing the same thing bringing us a "who wore it best" war, but to be caught wearing the same thing, on the same day, on the same channel? That's just embarrassing!(maybe THAT'S why Lauren looked so upset when leaving the taping of the aftershow!!)

How Can a Talentless 20 Something Cash in Big?

Um...be on a reality show...and if you are a big enough jerk, ahem Heidi/Spencer, then you cash in even bigger. Supposedly according to Answer Bitch on EOnline reality TV stars make about $10,000 to $15,000 an episode...if you in 10 episodes a year that's...$100,000-$150,000 a season!! (my financially smart boyfriend told me how to do math like that!) What's a little invasion of privacy if you can get compensation like that!

(Sorry Jenn Bunney, you weren't hated enough or liked enough to be on the show longer so you DO NOT make out like a bandit! Lo, however, keep cashing in we LOVE you!!)

Hey...MTV, VH1, CBS and other channels that love to expose "reality" for all it's worth...I'm REALLY interesting...call me!

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Little Boxes on the Hillside, Little Boxes Made of Ticky-Tacky...

For those of us who fans of the showtime hit Weeds Kevin Nealon (Doug), Hunter Parrish (Silas), and Andy Milder (Dean) perform the title song Little Boxes in true comedic form that can come out of these hilarious characters! Create your own music video depicting the song and you can win $10,000 plus have your video aired on Showtime and Showtime On Demand!

(Don't watch Weeds? You should, it's freaking AWESOME!! Mondays on Showtime at 10:00 EST)

Maybe Her Shoes Hurt Her??

Why exactly are the hosts from The Hills Aftershow basically carrying LC out of the taping? Maybe she became physically ill after the hosts stated that they thought LC would be hooking up with Justin-Bobby-Sometimes Justin-Sometimes Bobby before the end of the season. Look at Audrina's face...she CLEARLY feels for her!

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Happy Birthday Hayden Panettiere

Men everywhere rejoice that they no longer have to feel creepy about having a crush on Hayden as she turns 18 today!

Unfortunately now all the "To Catch A Predator" creeps have lost a significant underage cheerleader to google :(

Let Talk About....

First off, this episode was fantastic, it really showed how Audrina has fabulous taste, and how Spencer really is the caring gentleman that we have all grown to love....Right?

OH WAIT...NO IT DIDN'T!! We start off with Heidi apparently blinding Elodie (partially from the hilarity of it all) from across the room with her fabulously fake ring that we all now know is from ICE (that's one step above Claires Accesories my good friends! CLAAAAAAAASY!) Elodie wants the details and Heidi does a good job at not giving any! "Oh well, we were in Santa Barbara, and then we got engaged." Elodie says exactly what is on MY mind..."Wow at your age I would have been like, NO WAY!" Okay so maybe that's not EXACTLY what was on my mind, seeing as in my mind all I heard after she took the ring was sick high pitch laughter, but...close enough! Than Elodie says whats on EVERYONE'S mind and tells Heidi not to buy a dress any time soon...well DUH...The engagement is fake!

During the break Lauren and Lo do a commercial for Pinkberry and Fruity Pebbles. Oh wait, that wasn't the break..that was just a shameless plug! That's reality baby!

On to my next favorite part of the night! Audrina asks LC if she would like to be the 3rd wheel on a date with the charming Justin-Bobby-sometimes Justin-sometimes Bobby so that she can "get to know him". Ohhhhhh and get to know him she did, in fact we all got up close and personal with the smells of his lunch! I think he shouldn't eat any onions cause I swear I smelled that all the way over in NYC!

My favorite part of the date? Lauren asks Prince Charming whether or not he wants to hear her opinion of him...and he (like all the rest of us) simply says, "No, I don't really care." Then she asks him what he thinks of her...and he pulls the worlds FUNNIEST face ever! (either that or he finally just got downwind of that belch!)

Then we move over to Heidi and Spencer, my favorite couple. Spencer does his best this episode to prove to America that he isn't a jerk and that we should all love him like Heidi does! ("When you meet a Spencer at my age, you just know it's right!" Uh...no if I met a Spencer at your age...or ANY age...I would run, run far away from The Hills!) Spencer continues on his quest to piss off Heidi enough so that she will call off the engagement and he does not end up "sexless" as Brody told him he would, by spending money on yet ANOTHER useless item to put in their "bachelor pad" (although to be quite honest since he only goes "shopping" with Brody, I am pretty sure Brody is footing the bill 100 percent of the time).

I think Spencer was sadly mistaken when his mother taught him the word "surprise" since he seems to think a surprise is something that makes you want to hurl blunt objects at his bleach blonde head! I also think Spencer missed the boat on what it means to be "living together", Spencer...contrary to "Pratt belief" it doesn't mean you get to make a "bro pad" and then Heidi just happens to live there with you and your 1980's video games!

So how does Heidi retort? Well at first she takes the passive aggressive route and says to Spence, "Elodie said to me today, 'Oh Spencer doesn't ask your opinion on things? You two don't make your decisions together?' and I thought to myself, 'Well, I guess we don't make decisions together!'" Yeah...nice try Heidi, he clearly isn't going to get your subtleties, and he proves this by responding, "I love this power I have." What? The power to make America want to throw up on a daily basis? (note to self...this is NOT the super power I want when I become a superhero!)

So what does Heidi do next? She takes her stand to an aggressive level and paints over the "beautiful mural" that Spencer "surprised" her with. Oh Heidi, thank you for letting me like you again for a nano-second, now just realize this is the REST OF YOUR LIFE if you stay with this idiot, dump him, crawl back to Lauren and become the doormat that we will all learn to love again!

P.S. I have never seen a 23 year old guy get SO bitchy and so pissy over something in my entire life! It was pretty much awesome! "I surprised you with a beautiful mural, you surprised me with a boring white wall!"

Oh Lauren/LC when will you ever find a roommate with a boyfriend who doesn't hate you?

Amber Talks to God...

...And according to her...God talks back...

Amber in the diary room after being nominated on 8/19: I'm not worried. If everything pans out the way God's told me it will, I'm going to win POV."

Is Amber in a super secret alliance? WITH GOD?!

Happy Birthday Brody....

Again...and again...and again...

I, like everyone else like to drag out my birthday as long as possible...(hey when else can you go out to dinner every night? And when else can you pull the "But it's my birthday" line when wanting out of something?) However..this is just ridiculous...Brody is now on his second or third or fourth birthday, (one in the Bahamas, one in Las Vegas, one in Miami) I certainly didn't have my birthday in more than one state...but than again, I'm not as cool as Brody Jenner! (or am I?)

I'm sure he will have a couple of more before the end of the weekend (Even though his birthday is today!)...hmmmm I wonder if we can kill the suspense already, I am DYING to know if Spencer shows up at any of these parties! Are they friends, aren't they? I cant stand this tension!!

Um....EXCUSE ME?!

This is a picture of the CW11.



This is a picture of Kevin Federline on a basketball court.



This is a picture of the CW11 brains when they decided to give K-Fab a role on One Tree Hill....

Any questions?!

...I guess the CW11 is trying to get him some "employment" so that they too can join in the "Save Britney's Kids" battle...still...A BAD IDEA!!!!

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