Let’s Talk About…

Even though I am in a bad mood today, and Newport Harbor aired a week ago, I will still stay true and recap last week’s episode. (Mainly because Jen’s sister Casey would like me to and I must please my people!) So here it goes!

We begin this weeks (although it was really last weeks) episode with my favorite couple, Taylor and Chase, with Taylor asking a very seemingly innocent question. Apparently asking to see Chase’s phone is something that sets him over the edge and he starts whining about how he is overwhelmed with the whole girlfriend thing and that he is tired of her always checking up on him, etc. Meanwhile he doesn’t even give Taylor a chance to tell him why she wants to see the phone…maybe she wanted to play Tetris or something…GEES Chase, way to freak out!

Well…regardless of my desire to keep Tay around, Chase decides that they need a break. How can he be tired of her already she has only been on the screen TWICE so far! I guess in Newport Harbor that’s like an eternally long relationship. Oh well, the ax has been dropped!

Moving on to my FAVORITE part of the night, white guys rapping in a car…wait for it, SHIRTLESS! I mean, what is more badass than that?! HOOOOOOOT!! (Someone must be taking pimping lessons from Isaac on the Real World.) After the never elected Mayor and Clay rock out they move on to a more serious matter, the homeless population in Newport Harbor and how to combat this problem. Oh…wait…no that wasn’t it; sorry I must have mistook this conversation for Bootylicious! The actual topic: What type of girl Grant likes. Now this may come as a shock to you, but he likes little blond cute girls who can shake it! HOLY CRAP!! “That sounds like Taylor,” says Clay. Uh…yeah and every other girl in Newport Harbor OTHER than Fallie…although she is quite short and she does like to shake it as well, so yea…EVERY GIRL CLAY….EVERY GIRL! However, MTV has clearly set the stage for these two to hook up so I go with it, you know why? ‘Cause that’s how I roll!”

Now….which percentage of American’s think that Fallie is the smartest girl in Newport Harbor….90%-100%? Oh sorry you lose the $100,000; America actually thinks that Sasha is the smartest girl in Newport Harbor. Well, actually I think that she is, but I can count as America can’t I? I came to this conclusion when Chrissy asks Sasha, “Guess who came to my house today??” Sasha wasn’t having any part of this stupid guessing game when she simply answered “Chase.” Hoooooow did you know Sasha?!! (Clearly Chrissy is either thinking that she can bank in on her friends newly found ESP powers or she is already setting up the burning stake and making posters that say, “WITCH” on them.) Sasha quickly dashes all hope of a money making scheme when she answers, “I saw his car in your driveway!” NO WAY would Fallie put those two things together! Clearly Sasha IS the smartest girl in Newport Harbor!

Chase takes his space from Tay in the very unique way of calling her the day after their “break”. Looks like someone OTHER than Taylor is checking in! Then he calls again….then he calls again….and then he calls again. All the while he is either driving around in his car stalking her and trying to find her, or MTV’s clever editors have just shown the same scene three times in a row.

Taylor…who is on a date with the Mayor clearly cannot answer the phone…it would be rude and might cost him votes in the next election! Chase retaliates with the non-answering phone behavior by going over to Chrissy’s house, and we begin to wonder if Chrissy really is that pure girl that MTV makes her out to be…

Meanwhile at Casa de Clay….Clay calls Chrissy, gets her voice mail and hangs out with his dog. Too little too late playa!
Chrissy tells the Mayor in confidence that she hooked up with Chase and begs him not to tell Clay…yeah good job Chrissy don’t you know ANYTHING about politics?! Grant runs over to Clay and dishes like all good gossiping girls do! Clay…pretty much cries and at one point I am pretty sure he is about to throw up on the side of his pool!

In another awkwardly set up moment brought to you by MTV, Chrissy and Taylor just happen upon each other in a store. The exchange at first is painful when we realize this might be the “day after,” however, Taylor is so cool that she is okay with Chrissy hanging out with her ex boyfriend. I equate this reaction with one of two things, 1) She is saying it is okay because she hooked up with Grant last night and knows that she has no leg to stand on if she decides to make an issue out of this or 2) She is aware of how boring Chrissy is and realizes this girl poses no threat. Regardless of what her reasoning is, the two become fast friends and decide to crash the boys’ poker night. This turns out well for Taylor who is instantly showered with love from Grant, but it backfires for Chrissy who engages in a “who can look more miserable” contest with Clay all night long!
The Newport Harbor boys once again prove to me that they too watch The Hills when Chase decides to have a conversation with Taylor about her cheating ways in his car. (Please take this moment to remember a certain, “well then...I say...get out of my car” moment between Heidi and Spencer in Season 2 of The Hills!) They talk about how Chase is hurt that she went out with Grant seeing as she cheated on him with Grant before, she says something like “we were on a break”. (Either that or I flipped to Friends for a second, it’s hard to tell when real life mimic’s TV so closely) and then he tells her he is done and ushers her out of the car. Nothing else after that was too interesting except for the fact that the kids of Newport Harbor keep using the word “slew” and unfortunately it hasn’t gone the way of Bootylicious yet and I can't look it up anywhere so I have no idea what it means! Then we have yet another awkward moment between Clay and Chrissy and it makes me yearn for those days when I, in high school, would too ask a question with such a blatantly obvious answer when Chrissy asks a basketball playing Clay what he is doing and he asks a bike riding Chrissy what she is doing. You might be surprised to find out…the answers to those questions…WERE in fact basketball and bike riding. Oh to live in the simpler days of high school again!