Let’s Talk About….

Do you really really want me to recap this week’s episode?! I mean it was SO boring! Alas…I will if you want, please, please, up off the floor, your incessant begging is embarrassing me.

Before I start, I must ask…is anyone else longing for the days of Kristen Cav and LC?! Even a little Jessica or even Kendra would be welcoming right now. These girls just don’t have it, the bitch and ho factor is just not there, no rapper would have anything to say about these girls.

Chrissy starts us off by telling us that she wants to somehow in a “sly” way get Clay to hang out with her, so her and Sasha decide that a BBQ with the four of them is totally sly and he wont see anything coming…and its not awkward. Wow…Chrissy is good! He will definitely think that this is a party that the two of them just happen to be at…with no one else!


Meanwhile, Allie and Clay are going on a date…where they go mini golfing, does Allie have a season pass to the miniature golf course or something? Or is there really nothing to do out in Newport Harbor? The date is…uneventful…to say the least…so I will spare you and I won’t say anymore!

Unfortunately Chrissy underestimated Clay’s intelligence because the first thing he says when Grant tells him that they invited them is, “just the two of us, I don’t know.” And he is IMMEDIATELY uncomfortable! Oh I get it, it’s that Newport Harbor lingo I don’t get again at work, “Sly” must mean “obvious” and it must be next to “Funner” in the Newport Harbor Dictionary.

Chrissy eventually gets wind of the “date” and is not a happy camper. Did anyone else see a glimmer of joy in Sasha’s face when she tells her? Will bitchiness prevail, or is this just me seeing something that I WANT to see? Who am I kidding there was nothing there but a faint reflection of my hope for this season to be as good as seasons past. (I almost miss Came!!)

Chrissy has her BBQ, and Clay shows up. After they are “Sly-lee” left by the rest of the partygoers (note: I am using the word sly as they would in Newport, for those of you who are having a hard time following as I was throughout this whole episode please read this translation: After all of Chrissy friends leave the room in such an over obvious way Clay and Chrissy are left to their awkward conversations.”) Clay starts off every conversation the same and today he doesn’t let me down when he asks, “Are your parents home?” This boy is obviously petrified by Chrissy’s father! They have such a painful conversation which leaves me wondering why either of them actually wants to date the other since they will then be in for a life time of conversations that go a little like this, “So.”…..”So!”…. “Yeah.”…. “Yeah!” It’s PAINFUL PEOPLE PAINFUL! However at the end of the conversation they have somehow come to a conclusion that they can “get past all of this”. (At that moment I checked to see if I blacked out, because no way did they say more than 8 words to each other, how did they get to a conclusion? I might have to see a doctor about this!) They hug and make up and all is right in Newport again!

…or is it?! Allie is still pining for Clay and now it seems as though Chrissy has him…so I guess the logical step would be for her to patch things up with one time long lost love Chase…and predictably so she does…I think….cause I am not really sure what their conversation really amounted to either!

Before this, Allie and Fallie go on Allie's father’s boat and I have no idea what the point of this scene was.

Clay finally grows a set, calls Chrissy and asks her out on a real date! The fact that they both like swordfish and Mahi Mahi means that they are perfectly compatible and I think that they will get married! But will they go to prom together? (Wait…prom? For some reason I thought it was already summer and they were out of school…apparently not!) Clay asks Chrissy if she is excited for prom and you can almost see her face light up and her heart grow three times bigger. Immediately following this we see her heart explode when Clay says, he doesn’t know who he will ask to prom…Nice set up Clay…bring up her hopes then drop them back down again. He then asks her who she was thinking of going to prom with…her heart now repairs itself and grows again….and then is once again let down when he responds to the same question with, “I don’t know, someone who I have fun with.” Which was sort of cute since she said that, but at the same time you could tell he was trying to make her think he would ask her but then he was trying to be cool and make her think he had tons of options as well. At this point, her heart shatters, explodes and implodes all at one time; however you would never know when you look at that stepford wife smile of hers!

Then they kiss, and I am supposed to be excited but instead I am not…since they are BOTH BORING! I mean should I be excited that they did something that 5th graders can bring themselves to do everyday, yet it took them months?!





What can I say? Offer me a free iPhone and you will get a MUCH better recap and I can fake my excitement about as much as these girls do on the show next time!!