Thursday, August 30, 2007

Let’s talk about….

Candybar, candybar, candybar….why are you so sweet? Is it because you are made of sugar? Or is it simply because of the sweet nothings that come out of your mouth? Hmmm…it can’t be the sweet nothings because you just called Parisa “interesting” instead of pretty…and now she is hurt…and now I'm sure you are wondering why she is so uptight…um, possibly cause you are a jerk??

KellyAnne and Trisha sit down to talk about how she is “just not that into Dunbar”. (You like that one right? I am throwing Dunbar’s words right back at him! Take that Mississippi boy!) The wonderful editors of this show give us tons of footage to prove to us how “not into” candybar she is by showing us a montage of scenes in which KellyAnne is throwing herself at him. (Mostly we keep seeing KellyAnne and candybar in the hot tub over and over again, but we get the point) All the while we hear KellyAnne’s voice over asking, “Why would he think I like him?” or “He obviously read too much into my flirting and thinks I like him…which I so don’t”. Again I have to implore…who exactly is KellyAnne trying to convince? Herself? Candybar? Candybar’s girlfriend? (Side note: it looks like all the girls no longer want a piece so is it appropriate to still call Dunbar Candybar? No I can't. From here on out he is Dunbar again)

Parisa talks to KellyAnne about KellyAnne getting in between Parisa and Dunbar’s relationship. Apparently Parisa just doesn’t seem to get the hint and still seems to think somehow that the two of them have a relationship, that’s not psycho though…no, no not at all! KellyAnne seems to be over Parisa’s skirting of the issue and she shouts in too loud of a voice (which I am beginning to realize she uses often) “Do you like Dunbar or not?” Parisa follows suit with KellyAnne’s recent rant and lies to herself and America and says no. Then KellyAnne goes off on some strange tangent about how she doesn’t like him and she has no idea how he got that idea (jumping in bed with him and basically mauling him in the hot tub seem to be two things that have deleted themselves from KellyAnne’s memory.) KellyAnne lets Parisa know that she is backing off, why? I am not sure considering Parisa ISN’T Dunbar’s girlfriend anywhere else but in her own mind, but apparently KellyAnne has visited that world before and understands Parisa.

Parisa somehow understands KellyAnne too, which leads me to believe that there might actually be soul mates in this house after all and it is these two nut jobs! Parisa said that she never understood why KellyAnne was so flirty, but after KellyAnne’s rant about how Dunbar has no idea who she is, or that she is just flirty, or that she was called a nickname in high school that I would rather not mention, but it’s a sort of tease that rhymes with rock peas, Parisa suddenly has this epiphany and seems to understand why KellyAnne is a flirt/tease. I wish she had filled in the rest of us because I still have no idea why KellyAnne is the way that she is.

KellyAnne decides to do her best to convince Dunbar that she doesn’t like him, but as evidenced by his “Spencer Pratt” face he clearly doesn’t believe her.

Dunbar then runs back inside to tell Isaac about how KellyAnnedoesn’t like him” and gives the best impression that he can of her telling him, but that it seems like she was winking at the same time. Dunbar…KellyAnne was more convincing in her CLEARLY untrue argument than you were with that little story you just told Isaac. Isaac gives no opinion and ponders how KellyAnne might teach him how to pimp even harder than he did last weekend!

KellyAnne is on to her next love of the moment and starts in on our southern boy Cohutta. I can only imagine what these two have in common, like being from the south, or like…oh wait, that’s about all I see. Cohutta is rational, calm, genuinely sweet, and so far he doesn’t seem to be insane…so I’m sticking with the south being their only connection. Meanwhile I am still trying to figure out what the hell Cohutta has said in the last five minutes because I seem to understand less and less of him as time goes on and I think that I have only understood a total of 5 words he has uttered thus far. I will try and work on that…orrrrrrr; we can send a petition to MTV to ask for subtitles each time he talks.

Dunbar turns back on the sweet nothings when he decides to attack Parisa by telling her that woman have no place singing the blues. There you go Dunbar, let those true colors show through! Soon he will admit that his “Mississippi flag” really IS a confederate flag. I now hate Dunbar more than ever. Oh wait, he apparently wants to kick it up a notch as he tries to physically restrain Parisa so that she will stay and be yelled at more about how woman aren’t supposed to sing the blues and various other things he can throw at her. Wow…it’s such a wonder to me how she DOESN’T want to stay and listen to that! Parisa where is your sense of adventure? Lighten up will ya? (I am pretty sure he also says, “Don’t ever walk away when I am trying to hold you!” But again, I’m going to have to say subtitles would be appropriate when, say someone, is going through roid rage??)

Parisa concludes that she is “a toilet bowl that Dunbar likes to shit in.” And this is the boy that you have told the world in any other situation would be your Prince Charming…I do NOT want to read Parisa’s fairy tales to my children, they sound pretty scary and grim.

Cohutta earns the name Co-HOT-ah again when he tells some local Aussie girls that he is “a mountain man baby” and proves this by letting America know that he not only wears a bear claw around his neck, but that he also killed that bear…with his bare hands I’m sure! Oh Co-HOT-ah I can see why KellyAnne is falling for you, I mean, killing a bear? I am almost smitten myself! Also…I think you might be getting some fan mail from Michael Vick sometime soon so don’t be surprised when you get mail from the state pen.

I LOVE how Dunbar starts throwing bitchfits EVERY time he realizes that KellyAnne, although not too convincing with her “I don’t like you’ argument, is VERY convincing when it comes to the “I’m over you” show. He throws a small bitchfit and tries to make joke out of it by bringing to everyone’s attention that Cohutta and KellyAnne have been in the confessional for about 20 minutes. I wonder if he is gearing up for his “all woman are whores” speech that I know is coming soon, I mean after the woman have no place in blues speech I’m just dying to know what else is in that head of his…then I hope that KellyAnne or Parisa rip that head much like a praying mantis does after mating with her man!

Dunbar throws his bitchfit into high gear when KellyAnne gets into bed with Cohutta. He yells, tells her to shut up, says she is a slut or something like that and altogether makes himself look like a jealous little girl. Calm yourself Dunbar, you are embarrassing your clan-mates!

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