Some Theories on Why Jake Wasn't at the Golden Globes

1. Seeing Heath with his wife Michelle Williams was too much pain for him.

2. Going to the Golden Globes only solidified the fact that "Brokeback Mountain" WAS just a movie.

3. He lost track of time pre-gaming and barely even made it to the after party.

4. After said pre-gaming, he spent the rest of the night holding Kristen Dunst's hair back.

5. After assuming, "come over at 5" meant Heath wanted Jake to be his date, Jake showed up only to realize he was going to be stuck babysitting all night instead.

6.He couldn't find his "good Christmas hat" and decided that he had nothing to wear.

7. His appointment at Brite Smile ran late.

8. He wanted to go to the Golden Globes in the bubble, but his publicist advised him not to.

9. He disapproved of Kristen's bag-like dress, threw a BF (that's bitch fit for all you non-White Chic fans) and refused to go.

10. The last 9 have only been theories, but this one seems pretty legit. Jake didn't make it to the Golden Globes because he was too busy having dinner with me! :)